I'm stupidly proud of this for some reason.

Two characters, both lifetime victims, both physically weak, both under tremendous stress. Babydoll and Bella start in essentially the same place.

One fights back to the death, the other cries in bed and texts. I rest my fucking case.

Arguing how a strong female character should relate to her boyfriend makes the assumption that she needs one in the first place.

Some Tips on Live Reading for the Virgins in the Group (Post Holiday Spoken Word Showdown)

I'll be reading at the Pizza Shop Collective at 7PM December 26, 2011 in Omaha, Nebrasky along with a ton of awesome performers and writers!

MAP
EVENT FACEBOOK

Since a few of them are "live show" virgins, I thought some tips might be in order. Here are 10 of them, in no particular order.

Well, I guess they're in exact order 1-10, but the data is no exact order.

Well, that's not true either, since I use sentences and punctuation and junk so it's all very orderly but...

Fuck it, never-mind.


Here goes.

Bobby Anderson's Report on the Universe

My Report on the Universe

by Bobby “Singularity” Anderson
Grade 8

Instead of an explanation of the universe, I give you a letter of protest.

It’s completely unfair that I should have to take Science and Sexual Education when the Patterson twins don’t have to. If they have enough time to show up at my house on weekends in white shirts with name-tags and give books away, they have time to learn about science and how terrifying vagina's are in cross section and not to make fun of Norman for being gay. (Not gay gay, gay-gay.)

Why I Can't Do Math

I figured out why I can't do math, and it comes down to my ADHD. When given a choice to pay attention to the shit going on inside my head, or an external stimulus, I chose whichever of the two options holds my interest the best.

So let's look at the two competitors right next to each other, and see if we can figure out why Algebra eludes me.

Letters from Gay Camp! From "Cattywompus"

Dear Mom and Dad,

OK, for once in my life I can admit you were absolutely right.

When you caught me kissing Mark, threw me into the car, and drove me five-hundred miles into the middle of Missouri, I was skeptical (and completely out of product.). I didn't believe that being Gay was something I could treat, especially through prayer.

I remember driving under the "Camp Knotty Pines Retreat for Confused Christian Boys" sign and thinking "Great, all these insect bites are going to just destroy my complexion."

How wrong was I?

Please ignore everything I said, dear parents. Homosexuality absolutely can be cured by prayer and willpower, and I insist that I stay the entire summer in order to completely exercise- pardon, exorcise... hrm... Freudian... my "gay demons." It's the only way I can grow and mature as a true Christian.

I even have a girlfriend now! We were each assigned a girlfriend/boyfriend and a same gender "Prayer Partner." My girlfriend's name is Amanda, one of the "used to be lesbians" from "Camp Blossoming Orchids" across the lake. She has hair and a face.

One Eighteen Books 1, 2, 3 Rumor Control and NAQ

So some of this is up in the air, but I'm going to officially nail down what I can. The things that were holding me back have been squared thanks to science, luck and family and friends, and the end of the tunnel is here. There's some stuff I can talk about, and some I can't, but here's what I can say for certain.

American (Porn) Idol: Home Edition

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and especially regarding pornography. I think when I use the Internet for prurient reasons, I spend more time searching for the right clip than I do (insert masturbation euphemism here)ing.

Whenever I decide to (insert second, equally funny or funnier masturbation euphemism here,) American Porn Idol: the Home Edition starts.