Saturday, November 5, 2011

10 Types of People You Can Now Bully in Detroit!

The new anti-bullying law in Michigan has a religion clause that allows values based bullying.

Basically, if it's in the Bible, you can bully people about it.

Some people who you can now bully:

10) Menstruating Women

Also, make them sleep in a tent in the back yard. You don't want her to depurify your house and/or attract bears.

9) Job

This one will be difficult for people without a time machine that also travels to the make-believe universe, but doable with a little elbow grease.

8) People who don't honor thy father or mother.

So, pretty much any kid in school.

7) Adulterers

I'm looking at you John Edwards

6) Coveters of Neighbor's Wives

I'm looking at you Herman Cain

5) Self-abusers

I'm looking at you, person reading this between bouts of porn.

4) Romans

Not sure about Italians in general, but it's pretty safe to bully Romans.

3) Fig Trees

You think you can create delicious figs and not save enough for Jesus? You're about to get the pantsing of a lifetime.

2) Money Lenders

We're already kind of doing that, but Bank of America was being a nerd. Go push their tables over, it's legal now!

1) The Babylonians.

Those fuckers are going to get it. If you have a Babylonian at your school, tell them their gardens suck and push them down the stairs.

Have fun, Bullies! You've got work to do!

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